


A Work in Progress

by Grimecesty, thisapathy



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Sad, Self-Harm, idk what we were thinking, not much fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 04:22:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5813944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grimecesty/pseuds/Grimecesty, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisapathy/pseuds/thisapathy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ricks ends things with Carl and Carl isn't taking it so well.</p><p>(WARNING: There's self harm so if it triggers anyone, pleaaaase, don't read this.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Work in Progress

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! Here's a small fic me & Marissa wrote! Now, this just sorta happened so we're not gonn edit it, but hey, hope you like!
> 
> edit: marissa edited it a little cuz it was super awful. no zpoc AU

❤️❤️❤️

"Dad please," He begged, "I love you please, I-" He hiccuped a few times before trying again. "It's killing me! Please!"

Rick just shook his head and walked past him toward the front door.

"No!" Carl sobbed, "Dad, please!" But the door already clicked shut and Carl collapsed onto the linoleum, broken sobs rippling from his body.

He was a sobbing mess with a runny nose and red eyes. What can he possibly say to make Rick understand? "I miss you!" Carl screamed. "I can't--I can't do this anymore. I need you!"

"No, you don't. I'm right here," Rick fired back, coming back in. "It can't be like that anymore. I told you that."

"If--I want to die because of this. I-I'll kill myself if we can't be together," he hiccuped. He wiped his nose with his hoodie sleeve and sniffled. "Please..."

"Now you're blackmailing me into sleeping with you?" Rick seethes.

And that hurt, but Carl was already hurting, so why not add more fuel to the flame? "I-I wasn't--"

"Just stop," Rick glared, making the hole in Carl's heart larger, "It's done, Carl, I mean it. Now go to your damn room!"

Carl flinched back from his dad's booming voice and for the first time in his life, he was genuinely scared of his father. He sobbed as he turned and bolted for his room, locking himself in and went to his dresser, searching for the small, familiar sharp steel he had hidden.

Carl sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling up the sleeve of his hoodie frantically. He ran the thin blade across his forearm several times until he had sufficiently calmed down. He heard Rick still in the kitchen and debated about what to do. If there was ever a moment to decide between life and death, this was it. He just felt like he needed Rick to know that.

He pulled his sleeve down and tossed the blade onto the bed, going back into the kitchen where Rick was standing. He felt the warm blood slide from the slits in his arm and down to his wrist. He wasn't worried about it dripping; he hadn't cut too deep. Yet. "Would you be okay if I died?" he whispered.

Rick, who was doing the dishes, abruptly stopped and turned to Carl with a puzzled expression. "I'm sorry, what?"

Carl took a deep, shaky breath. "Would you be okay if I died?"

Rick rolled his eyes. "Carl, enough, please. If you're just trying to ma-" He stopped suddenly, catching just the slightest bit of red starting to roll down Carl's thumb. He glanced at his forearms and saw they were a darker shade, damp looking. He tore his eyes away and looked at Carl in the eyes, beginning to tremble slightly. "Carl," he breathed.

Carl hid the sleeve behind his back. "Would you be okay knowing I killed myself because of you?" he asked, starting to feel woozy. He wavered a little, but regained his balance. Rick still hadn't given him a straight answer.

Worry was itching into Rick's skin. Maybe Carl wasn't messing around. Maybe. "Show me your arm," he said.

"N-no." Carl shook his head, holding his arm against his side. "Don't touch me."

Rick stood there in disbelief, grabbing Carl's hand tightly with one arm and the hoodie sleeve another. As he pulled the sleeve up, blood dripped onto the floor.

Carl struggled to pull his arm back but Rick's grip only tightened. "Why-?" Rick's eyes stung with tears. How could Carl do something so violent and damaging to his body, so dangerous?

Carl finally managed to rip his arm away, a scowl appearing on his face. "Not like you care anyway," he spat.

Rick's eyes were glassy as he stared at Carl. Is that really what he thought? He told him time and time again they couldn't be together; Judith would figure out what's going on. They couldn't risk it. "I care, you just--you don't understand. You really don't."

Carl was still crying. Not quite sobbing, but almost. "I told you this is killing me! You won't listen. You won't--" The dizziness finally caught up to him and he didn't know if it was from the blood loss or lack of esting but the whole room was spinning and his knees we're wobbling, threatening to give out. He gripped onto the counter to help keep him balanced, but it did no such help. His knees buckled under, causing him to collapse.

"Carl!" Rick gasped. He ran to Carl's unconscious body and knelt beside him, feeling for a pulse. It was there, but barely. He grabbed a kitchen towel and wrapped it tightly around the cuts before he fumbled to find his cell phone and call 911.

The phone call was a blur; Rick answered the questions distractedly. The ambulance was on its way.

He left momentarily to make sure the front door was unlocked. When he came back, he pulled Carl's limp body into his arms. Carl was nothing but skin and bone. That's when Rick finally broke into full body sobs, kissing Carl's pale forehead over and over. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"

Once the ambulance arrived, Rick's mind became blank; he felt numb. It was as if everything was in slow motion. Strapping Carl onto the gurney, rushing him outside. A couple paramedics stayed behind to ask him questions but he stumbled after the ones rolling his son away.

"Carl," he breathed. He felt dizzy and almost fell. If it weren't for the other paramedics holding him, he would've.

"Sir, you can ride in the back if that'll make you feel better."

But nothing'll make him feel better. His son was hurt. And it's all his fault, he was selfish and now he had to pay the price.

+

Carl woke the next afternoon. His head was killing him; he knew that before he even opened his eyes. When he did open them, he was greeted by harsh fluorescent light and the sterile smell of a hospital. He tried to move his arms, realizing he was strapped down. He had an IV; they were giving him fluids. And blood. No, no, no--this didn't--this wasn't happening. Looking from side to side, he saw the figure of a person in the corner of the room, his vision still blurry. He began to panic, thrashing and tugging against the straps.

"No, no no no," he chanted. His mind got fuzzy and his breathing picked up. He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fists, feeling the the throbbing ache in his wrists that were tightly wrapped. He could vaguely hear someone call his name but he ignored it, too panicked to listen.

God, please no.

"Carl!" Rick rushed to his bedside. "Hey," he whispered. He reached out, setting a hand on Carl's forehead. And then he kissed it. "It's okay," Rick promised. "I'm here. You're in the hospital."

Carl wanted to push Rick's hand away, wanted to slap him for kissing his forehead like he cared, but he was strapped down and there was no way. He felt helpless and stupid. How could he be so careless? Now Rick knows, and now everyone knows and they're going to make him go to therapy and spend time at a center and--

Carl began to cry softly at first, and then louder, for multiple reasons. Mostly because he let himself get caught. It was humiliating. He wished he would've just died on the kitchen floor.

Next, Rick was pretending to care. And that hurt worse than Rick avoiding him. Now Carl felt pathetic and weak, like he needed someone in order to live. But the truth is, he did. He needed his dad and his wrists were proof.

"I'm here."

He heard his dad whisper those words over and over. They seemed to calm him down some but the thought of Rick only doing this for his own sake made Carl want to throw up.

He shook his head. "No," he whimpered, "no."

Rick pulled back and looked at his son's face. His eyes were squeezed shut, his face red and blotchy. Rick's heart was breaking even more than usual.

"I love you," he whispered, "I love you so so much."

So now Rick loved him, only when he was lying in a hospital bed after a suicide attempt. Not when he cried when Rick ended things, not when he flat out said he would kill himself if Rick wouldn't listen. Rick didn't mean any of it. That was just his guilty conscious talking.

"No you don't," Carl whimpered. He started crying harder, shaking his head. "I should've died, I don't--I can't-I-"

"No," Rick whispered, tears running down his cheeks, "No no no, please, baby, don't say that. I love you so much. Fuck, I was so stupid. Please, I love you."

Carl closed his eyes, shaking his head. "I tried to tell you," he whispered. "You--you wouldn't listen!" He tried to cover his face with his hand, forgetting he was tied down. Fuck. "Just get out," he cried. He meant for it to come out in a snarl, but his voice was weak and shaky.

Rick shook his head, "No, no I'm not leaving you. Not this time." He cupped Carl's face and brushed his thumb over his cheek. "I love you."

For a moment, out of instinct, Carl leaned into the warm hand, the hand that's been comforting him for years but when he realized what he was doing, he jerked his head away as if it burned him. "No," he whimpered.

"Carl, please." Rick's voice cracked. "You have to understand Judith--"

"I don't want to talk about it," Carl snapped.

Rick continued, "Judith can't know. We can't hide anything forever. You have to accept that--"

"No!" Carl screamed. Rick shushed him, and the next thing out of Carl's mouth was unexpected: "I wish she had never been born!"

Rick straightened up, shocked. Had that really just come out of Carl's mouth? The kid who fed her, bathed her, changed her diapers when he was busy. Who played with her and made her laugh and giggle. "Carl," he warned, "Don't. I want you to apologize, that was incredibly uncalled for."

Carl shook his head. He was still crying. "Just put her up for adoption. Then we can be together."

Rick shook his head. "I can't believe this. You're that desperate that you want to get rid of your own sister?" He immediately knew that was the wrong thing to say when he saw the look on Carl's face.

"I'm not desperate," he said softly, voice cracking. He felt the lump form in his throat and the dizziness from earlier reappeared. He could feel and hear his heartbeat pick up, the rhythmic beeps on the monitor slowly speeding up. He couldn't breathe, his vision blurring. Everything became muffled and a sharp sound rang out in his ears

The nurses rushed in, not realizing Carl was even awake until now. A doctor who was doing rounds nearby came in, and one of the nurses pulled Rick into the hall.

"What happened?"

Rick ran a hand through his hair. He didn't really know. He glanced through the door to see that the nurses were working on getting Carl calmed down. "I just asked why he did it. H-he freaked out."

Carl's sobs echoed throughout the hallway. Rick squeezed his eyes closed, hoping this was all a horrible dream. He was at loss. He didn't know what to do. God, he fucked up so bad, all because he didn't want Judith to find out about them.

The nurse nodded. "Okay, well, we'll do our best to try and calm him down but for now, I think it's best of you wait in the waiting room. I'll come get you if he wants to see anyone."

Rick opened his mouth to protest but knew there was no point. He nodded and headed for the waiting room. He knew he'd be there a while; Carl wouldn't want to see him, not after all the shit he's done.

Rick took a seat on one of the chairs in the corner and put his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands, crying softly.

+

After a while, Rick stopped crying. Now he had a massive headache, too. He checked his phone, seeing that he had a text from Carl's friend Ron asking if Carl was okay. Ron said he had texted Carl earlier and never got a response. Rick replied that Carl was in the hospital, and would maybe want to see Ron. Rick figured if Carl didn't want to see him, he should at least have company in his room.

Ron replied that he would be there within the hour.

Rick got up, figuring he should probably go get something to eat. On his way to the cafeteria, he glanced at Carl's room. He was still crying, but seemed to be calm.

+

Times passed in a blur, people coming in and out of the emergency room, some puking others crying. Rick sat there, barley drinking his coffee and he hadn't touched his granola bar.

The nurses came out and said they'd calmed Carl down but he didnt want to see any visitors, as predicted. Rick only nodded.

Several minutes later Ron walked in, making a b-line for Rick.

"Is he okay?" he asked, worry heavy in his voice.

Rick nodded. "Yeah, he's fine. He's right down the hall. It's the last door on the right if you want to see him."

Ron nodded. "Are you coming with?" he asked, noticing how Rick just stayed put.

Rick shook his head. "No, you go. He needs a friend to talk to."

Ron nodded, deciding not to ask any more questions--to Rick's utter relief--and headed for Carl's room.

Ron gripped he flowers in his hand a little tighter. Rick seemed really shook up. He hoped Carl would be okay. He knocked on the door, coming in when he didn't get a response. "Carl?" he asked softly, walking over to the bed. He saw the bandages on his wrist, and that Carl was strapped down. Surely he didn't--

Carl turned to look at him. He looked nearly dead. The sparkle in his eyes was gone.

For the first time in a long time, Carl smiled. It was a small smile but a smile nonetheless. "Hi," He croaked. His throat was dry and he obviously couldn't reach for the water on the table beside him.

Ron was quick to set the flowers down and grabbed the water, angling the straw to Carl's mouth.

Carl drank greedily, gulp after gulp. He pulled away and took a deep breath as Ron set the cup back down.

"How do you feel?" Ron asked.

"Like shit if I'm being honest." He glanced at the flowers, and then back at Ron's worried face. He knew Ron loved him; they had talked about it. Ron understood Carl didn't feel the same way, and they were still great friends. "You brought me flowers?"

"Well, yeah," Ron shrugged, smiling. He reached up to mess with the beanie on his head. "Thought they'd cheer you up. Maybe not, though, 'cause honestly, man, you look awful." Ron hesitated, but leaned down to kiss Carl's cheek. It was nothing more than a friendly gesture.

Carl smiled softly at the gesture. It was nice to feel loved for the first time in a long time.

"Now," Ron said, sitting in a nearby chair, "Wanna explain to me what happened?"

Carl's smile faded and he looked up ahead. "It's nothing."

"Don't lie to me. People don't just do this for no reason." Ron scooted the chair close to Carl's bedside. He reached up to hold his hand, stroking the back of it softly. "I'm not gonna force you to talk but I'm here if you need me."

Carl took a deep breath. Maybe he should tell him. Come clean with everything. He could trust Ron with anything.

"It's-" He began to cry again. "It's my dad."

Ron leaned back, surprised. What could Rick have done that caused Carl to hurt himself? "What are you talking about?"

Carl let out a sob. "I-I love him. He--he doesn't want me."

Ron looked puzzled. He felt Carl squeeze his hand. The years he's known him, he's never seen Carl this upset. And he'd seen a lot. He'd been there when Lori walked out on them. "What are you talking about?" he asked gently.

Carl turned his head and looked at him with sad eyes, "I-"

And somehow, Ron knew. He put the pieces together and--

"Oh," he said softly. He wasn't disgusted, nor was he disappointed. He was shocked, he was so shocked. But he was okay with it.

"Explain," he said, rubbing his hand softly, "What happened?"

Carl swallowed hard. "After my mom left we just... we got closer. Um." He felt bad, a little, having to admit that he chose his own father over Ron. But Ron would understand; he always did. "We were watching a movie and he just kissed me. It sort of started then, and a few weeks later--"

"Oh," Ron said quickly.

"Now that Judith is getting older--" The thought of Judith broke his heart. He loved her, but it was because of her that he could no longer be happy. "My dad said we had to stop or she'll figure it out. It's just been really hard. I stopped eating, started..." He trailed off. Ron knew what he meant. "I tried to tell my dad that this was gonna happen if we weren't together. He didn't listen, he just said I was trying to blackmail him into having sex again..."

Ron's mouth dropped. "He said that?"

Carl nodded, swallowing hard. "I just couldn't take it anymore. Every time I see him, it hurts. And the fact that he doesn't care about me anymore hurts even more and I just--I needed some sort of relief. I love Judy more than anything, it's just, I can't stand the fact that because of her-"

"Whoa whoa," Ron said, stopping him, "Carl, you know none of this is Judith's fault, right? She's 2, she can barley complete a sentence. This? This is on your dad. He chose to break things off. Telling Judith about you two would've worked out perfectly fine. Tell her you guys are father and son when she's old enough. She's gonna be a smart girl, if you tell her to keep it a secret, I'm sure she will."

"No," Carl insisted, shaking his head. "My dad's right; it's not safe to make her keep a secret like that. If anyone would out--my dad's a cop, it would be awful. They could take me away from him. If--if Judith hadn't been born--if my mom had just taken her when she left--we can just put her up for adoption and-"

"No," Ron cut him off again, "No one'll find out. And if people got suspicious, I'll be a witness and say nothing's going on."

Carl gave a small smile. "It's not like any of it matters now, he doesn't want me." He closed his eyes, willing the tears to go away

Ron dropped his hand, honestly a little shaken from the conversation. "Do you want me to go get him?"

Carl shook his head. "No, there's no point. He's just gonna say the same thing."

Ron stood up anyway. "I'm gonna go talk to him."

He left the room, walking back to the small waiting area. Rick was still sitting in the same spot. "I need to talk to you outside." Rick got up with no argument. He followed Ron out to the parking lot. Thankfully, there weren't many people around.

"You need to fix this," Ron told him. "He's-he's desperate to be with you. You know that, right? He's talking about putting Judith up for adoption. That's--that's insane, Rick. You have to fix it."

Rick sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "I know, I just-I just dont know what to do. I love him, so much, but I fucked up so bad. I don't know what to do."

Ron gave him a look. "You want to know whst to do? How about this; care."

"I do care," Rick growled. "He doesn't seem to understand I could lose him and Judith if anyone knew about this. I can't take that risk. I can't." He scrubbed a hand over his face. "Maybe i should go see-"

"No," Ron scowled, "you're staying right here and we're gonna talk. Now, theres a boy in there, lying on a hospital bed strapped down because he tired to kill himself, Rick! Because he thought he wasn't good enough for you and becuase he thought you hated him. Judith's a baby, Rick! A baby! What's she gonna do? Spell out 'my brother and dad are fucking' in her block letters?" He scoffed, "No! She's not going to say anything. And when she gets to that age, you sit her down and talk to her and I'll try to help her understand."

When Ron was done with his rant, Rick was looking down at the ground in shame. How could he have been so stupid?

"Look," Ron sighed, "I know you love him. So go in there and fix this. He may not say it, but he needs you. Now more than ever. So go, go get him back."

Rick just sort of laughs at Ron then, shaking his head. "You have no idea," he said. "You really don't." He pushed past Ron, heading back for Carl's room. He knocked on the door softly before letting himself in. "Carl, please. I just wanna talk."

Carl seemed sleepy and more subdued. He nodded.

"You have to understand," Rick said gently. He crossed the room and took Carl's hand. "Do you understand how dangerous it is for us to be together?"

"I know," he whispered. "It's just--"

"Judith can't know, okay? She can't. I know she's just a baby but the sooner we separate, the easier it'll be for us both down the road. Okay?"

"We can just put her up for adoption," Carl whined desperately. Rick was starting to wonder if they had given Carl something that made him completely batshit crazy. "Daddy, please, I--"

"No," Rick said, shaking his head, "No, Carl, that's not an option. She's your sister and my daughter. I'm not putting her up for adoption."

Carl let out a broken whine. "You love her more than me, don't you?" It was the only thing Carl could think of. "You want to keep her and get rid of me instead."

"Carl, please," Rick begged. "That's not true. Why are you being so selfish about this?" It was true. What Carl wanted, expected from him was selfish.

Carl sniffled, turning his head away. "Knowing mom she's probably not even your baby..."

That made Rick snap, "Enough! We're done talking about this. Judith's staying and that's final." He couldn't be in the same room anymore. He turned ariund and walked out. He passed by Ron, who stood up.

"So, how'd it go?"

Rick just glared and kept walking. He needed a drink.

"Hey!" Ron called. What happened?"

Rick heard Carl yelling for him down the hall, sobs returning. He couldn't decide whether to keep walking or turn back. He gave a dark chuckle, "Go on, he needs you more than ever," he sneered. He turned back around and walked out of the hospital, leaving a confused Ron behind.

When Ron came into Carl's room, he was sitting up, face red and puffy from crying. "Where's my dad?" he asked. "Please, go get him, I need--"

Ron was torn, because here was Carl, crying for his dad when his dad just left. He rushed over to the bed and ran his hand through Carl's hair. "Hey, hey, I'll get him, okay? Relax for me. First, let me get a nurse so she can possibly get you outta these straps, yeah?"

Carl was hiccuping but nodded. Ron gave him one last reassuring smile before bolting out of the room

A nurse reluctantly released Carl's wrist restraints, but Carl was still hooked up to the IV. He glanced over at the flowers Ron left on the table and felt sad. He didn't even think to ask him to put them in water.

Carl knew Ron loved him. Ron accepted Carl didn't love him back, but right now Carl kind of wished he could. He knew Ron would never hurt him the way Rick did.

When Ron appeared at the door first, Carl panicked.

"Wh-where is he?" he asked. He didn't see Rick behind him or hear him come down the hall.

"He's on his way," Ron said reassuringly, "He'll be here any minute."

"Where'd he go?"

Ron shrugged, standing next to Carl's bed. "He just walked out for a minute. He said he needed some air."

Carl nodded and relaxed again the pillows. "Thank you."

Ron gave a soft smile. "No problem."

Carl smiled sleepily. "Will you put my flowers in water?" Ron did as he was told, using one of the empty cups to put them in.

"Ron?" Carl asked softly.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for being here for me."

Ron gave him a small smile. "You're welcome."

Carl swallowed thickly. "I'm sorry I don't love you."

Ron's breath hitched and he gave a small smile. "That's okay." He swallowed and set his hand ontop of Carl, reassuring.

Carl was about to open his mouth to reply when the door opened slowly and Rick poked his head in.

"Uh, hi," he said awkward, shuffling in the room and standing a good distance away.

Ron smiled, "I'll leave you two alone."

He gave Carl's hand one last squeeze before walking out, nodding at Rick as he passed him.

Carl looked at Rick, ready to cry again. He tried his hardest not to. "Why did you leave?" he asked quietly. "I asked you to come back..."

"I know," he mumbled, looking back at the ground. "I just needed to think for a while."

"Think about what?" Carl asked, voice cracking. He was scared of the answer.

"Us," Rick said, looking up. He saw the panic flicker in Carl's eyes, causing him to shake his head, walking closer to the bed. "It's just, Carl, you're asking me to give up someone we both love. Just so we can be together. I want to be with you more than anything, it has nothing to do with Judith. I love you, so much, and I always will. But this is dangerous. I'm not just worried anout Judith finiding out, but the whole town. Then I lose you and Judy for good."

"I can give her up if you can," Carl whispered. He reached up for Rick's hand, not expecting Rick to take it. "I wanna be with you. You don't understand how much I want to..."

Rick accepted his hand, gripping it tightly. "We'll figure something out, okay? We can't give Judy up though, alright? We can't. We can work our way around that."

Carl looked like he was getting ready to cry again. He didn't buy it. He knew Rick was probably just saying this just to appease him. "I don't really believe you," he said softly. "I don't want her--"

That's when Rick leaned down and kissed him, slow and long. Carl felt like he was floating. When was the last time they've kissed?

"I promise you," Rick whispered when he pulled away. Not too far, their lips were still brushing, "I promise you we can keep Judith and this relationship, okay?"

Carl hesitated but nodded. He wasn't sure he could trust Rick, but he was tired. Tired from fighting and crying and feeling like shit. He just wanted to sleep for the next 4 days.

Eventually Rick pulled back and sat in the chair Ron sat in earlier. Carl looked down at the bandages on his wrist. He wondered if he should try to call Lori and tell her what happened. He wondered how people would react when the found out.

"I'll worry about your mother," Rick said, as if reading Carl's mind. Be grabbed the younger boys hand, "You rest okay? I'll be here when you wake up."

Carl nodded and closed his eyes and before he knew it, he was out like a light.

**Author's Note:**

> There ya have it! So we're working on more fics and we might post them, not sure but hey, keep an eye out, ya never know! 
> 
> Till next time!


End file.
